Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Addiction

Dear Diary,

I went behind my husband's back and did something I normally try to avoid. Let me give you a little background on me. I use to be addicted to online shopping. And when I say addicted, I mean it was like at least twice a week occurrence, spending anywhere from $50-$200. I had a Visa card, a Victoria Secret card and an Old Navy card. I never told anyone about this addiction but it got so bad, I couldn't pay my bills anymore. Bobby had just started modeling and was making pretty good money. He never asked me how I got my clothes or shoes or anything. But when we started getting really serious, he became aware of this situation. I didn't realize how bad it had gotten. I would pay the minimum due on the cards and keep spending. My Visa bill got to over $15,000, my VS card got to over $900 and my Old Navy card got to $1200. I remember the day I showed him. I was so embarrassed about it. It was something I kept hidden from everyone. I don't have an addicted personality and by that I mean, I don't get addicted easily. I don't find the draw of doing something over and over again. But shopping was something on a different level. There was something about adding stuff to a shopping cart and hitting the word purchase. I can't describe it and unless you have been there, you don't know. 

How did I get out this debt? Well Bobby....and I remind you was my boyfriend at the time....took his modeling money and paid off my VS and Old Navy card. I only had to make one promise, that I would never sign up for a credit card to anywhere as long as I was with him. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Go from having this freedom to buying what I want, to not being able to spend anything on clothes or shoes. Or heaven forbid I actually use my money out of my account for it. I am to this day still paying off my Visa bill. I do have it down a whole bunch but Bobby doesn't mind this one card. We never use it and it gives a little credit to our name. 

So what did I do that I try to avoid because once I do it, I have a hard time not repeating myself. 

I went online shopping! 

Ok....so in my defense, I needed maternity clothes and I went to H&M (which is super cheap and super cute) because the store H&M doesn't have the choices like online does. And I know my size from them now so I just did it. I try really hard to not over spend or splurge on things because we do work hard for our money and he works his butt off providing for us and for me to go spend it on things would be really selfish of me. And you may think it's old school, but before I purchase something I always talk to him first about it (and no, I'm not talking about spending $30 here or $50 there, I'm talking like real purchases). And he does the same. Ever since that whole credit card thing. I just can't help but ask him. He almost always tells me yes but I just couldn't stop my finger this time from it. Then when the packages came in, he just stared at me, rolled his eyes, asked me how much I spent and what did I get out of it and kept on walking. 

When we got married, we decided to have a joint banking account. I didn't want to have to manage my own (because you can obviously tell I am amazing with money) plus we saw no reason to not share. Made it easy on bill pay and it kept us honest. I think it was more for me, it was more important for me to keep myself honest with him about it. Because at any minute this terrible addiction can show up and I need someone on my side talking me down. I didn't feel bad for what I did and I never made an excuse for it. This is just my confession day for myself and I thought I would share a little personal story about it. Because addiction is a bad thing no matter how small or large it is. And I am not ashamed to admit it anymore. 

My favorite thing I got from H&M....my new pink jeans and my blue and pink shirt. The jeans are Mama Slim fit pant in powder pink ($34.95) and the top is Conscious Mama Jersey Top in dark blue patterned ($9.95). Shoes are from Piperlime and they are Steven by Steve Madden- Lidiaa  

We just hit the 18 week mark today! Baby is as fat as a pear and as long as a Sweet Potato. 


Love, Me