Thursday, May 5, 2016

30 in 30: 13: Get a Tattoo

Dear Diary,

When I lost my Maw-Maw many years ago, one of the first selfish thoughts I had was how she would never get to meet my future husband or get to meet my future children. I never imagined that one day all 3 of these wonderful things in my life would come together. 

So here we are: 30 in 30: number 13: Get a tattoo

If you know anything about me, you know I have a love of Butterflies. But you might not know why. 
In November of 2002, I lost my grandmother to lung cancer. My Maw-Maw was one of the nicest, most caring people you would have ever met. She had piercing blue eyes and had a laugh that when she would laugh too much, it made her cough. She was the type of grandmother that let you have a candy bar before dinner. So when I lost her, it devastated me. 
I don't remember the first time I saw it, I just remember the feeling of her. I just remember feeling a presence of her. In the shape of a butterfly. Whenever I am having a bad day, or whenever I am in need of something to get me through the day, a butterfly appears to me. It's the weirdest thing. When I go on runs, I always see one. When I am sitting in traffic, one will always land on my car. And I know it's her. 
A few years ago, I actually went to a tattoo place to get a tattoo but I backed out of it. I was too scared and just couldn't go through with it. So when I added it to my 30 in 30 list, my husband just laughed at it. But I was determined. I have always known I wanted a butterfly, but I didn't want just any butterfly. I wanted it to be different. Something unique for me. My husband was looking on Instagram one night and came across one and sent it to me. I almost lost my breathe. It was so pretty. But there was something about it that still didn't feel right. So I would go look at it once a week to see if there was something I could change or tweak. 
Then it came to me. 
Shape the wing into a B. 
Take the 2 people I love most in this world (Bobby and Brody) and the one symbolic thing that means the world to me (a butterfly) and combine them. 
Once I had figured it out, it was just finding a place to go and doing it. Bobby wanted to get a tattoo for Brody (I will blog about his tattoo on a separate post) so I knew I had someone who would go with me and be there for me when I got it done. We chose Elm Street Tattoo in Dallas because that's where Bobby had gotten his previous tattoos. We just walked in. We didn't make an appointment. We just decided to get who we get, that everyone in that place is extremely talented. We both got really lucky. I got Josh Arseneau (who had done 2 of Kristen's tattoos go figure) and he was so nice and funny and made me feel calm. I showed him the picture of what I was wanting and told him about the wing shaped into a B and he went back to draw it. When he brought it out, I had him make one adjustment to the B and shrink it some. What he brought out next was GORGEOUS! Perfect! 
We found the spot I wanted it and he put the stencil on me. I laid on the table and he said since this was first one he would do a small section so I could get the feel of what it feels like. 
Whoever says a tattoo doesn't hurt is lying. It hurt like a bitch! Lord Almighty. My legs were shaking so much that Bobby came over and started rubbing them to calm me. I have little pain tolerance and I'm a huge baby and I kept humming to myself while he worked so much that Josh started laughing at me. I warned him though so he was prepared for my silliness of pain. It took him a total of 12 minutes to do it. The shading in hurt the worse. It felt like a cat was scratching me at a constant pace. 

Finish product. A beautiful butterfly to represent my Maw-Maw and the letter B to represent my husband and baby. I couldn't be happier. I couldn't love it more. I will never regret it because of what it means to me. My grandmother might have been a caterpillar on this world but in Heaven, she is the most prettiest butterfly you have ever seen. I miss her everyday. Everyday I wish she could see Brody's face and have met Bobby. I know she looks over me. I know she is my guardian angel that never leaves me. I know she sends her butterflies down to me to remind me of her love and the love of God. And now, I have that printed on me as a reminder on my dark days. 

And maybe you are saying to yourself.....what if she has another child? She can't have something for Brody and not the next one. That's rude. Well my friends, if we do decide to have another child, that child's name will start with a B. Because momma is done with getting them. Or at least I am 99.5% sure I am done. I never say never. 

Love, Me